AlzLove: Feeling a deep sense of loss and grief? Trust in God as you say goodbye to your loved one

John 14:1-4

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

I have been hesitant to post a devotional about saying goodbye to your loved one because saying goodbye is never easy.  

My goal of AlzLove has always been to present uplifting devotionals for you as the reader to have a chance to see the silver lining in the storm of Alzheimer’s. The subject of saying goodbye to our loved one is often one of the hardest farewells we will experience in life. I hope as you read this that you will feel, see, and hear your Lord Jesus in a new way and that it gives you great peace.

Will this message be uplifting and bring you joy…?  Possibly not, but may it give you solace and show you the love of Jesus during this difficult time.

As you say goodbye to your loved one, you will probably be filled up with every emotion imaginable. Your emotions may range from a sense of relief to deep sadness, even grief, and possibly a bit of guilt. You may even feel a bit of gratitude knowing that they will no longer be suffering. You may feel a peace that surpasses all understanding knowing that your loved one will soon be in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ. No matter what you are feeling, including feeling no emotion at all, is all normal. 

Please understand that you have been an amazing caregiver for your loved one! You have been there every step of the way providing love, care, and service as your loved one completed their destiny here on earth. You have now turned the reins of the care of your loved one over to the ultimate healer, your Heavenly Father. 

Our Lord Jesus is a good, good Father and He will take it from here and give your loved one ultimate healing for eternity. You have finished well, and I truly believe that you will receive the Crown of Righteousness for fulfilling your important calling of caring for your loved one.

After caring for my mom for over a decade, my mom suffered a stroke and lost the ability to swallow. The hospital advised us that this was the beginning of the end. In her final days we ended up moving her back to the comfort of her own bed and hospice was brought in to help us through the final stages of her life.

From the time of her stroke to the time of her passing, what I thought would take a few days for her to pass ended up being about 3 weeks. Even when she lost consciousness, I found myself speaking to her and sharing my thoughts that were in my heart. I felt lucky to be able to tell her goodbye in my own way. I told her that she had been the best mom that I could have ever had. I let her know that it was OK for her to go to her Heavenly Father, and that I would be OK without her. I emptied all of my tears and pent-up emotion at her bedside and left it at the cross for my Lord Jesus to collect. I was grateful to know that Jesus was right there with me and taking up my pain and suffering as only He can do.

A few days before she passed, I started noticing the “tell-tale” signs that Hospice shared would appear during her last days such as her skin changing color and labored breathing. I knew it probably would not be too much longer before her journey on earth was over.

That evening I went home, hoping to find rest, but sleep would not come. My spirit was unsettled. I woke my husband and told him I felt I needed to be with my mom.I believed this might be the night she would pass.

Seeing the weight of my distress, he lovingly drove me across town around 11:00 PM. When we entered her room, she was still breathing heavily. There had been no change since the afternoon, and through the long night her condition remained the same.

The next morning, I went home briefly to shower, then returned to her facility. I sat quietly at her bedside all day, watching, praying, waiting. By around 6:00 PM, I felt completely spent. I had been awake for over 36 hours, my body and mind utterly exhausted. I decided it was time to go home and finally rest.

I picked up my purse and started toward the door and that is when I heard it. The beautiful, still small voice of my Heavenly Father gently spoke into my heart: “Put your bag down.” Without hesitation, I placed my purse back on the chair. Aware of His presence, I asked aloud, “What do You want me to do?”

There was no audible reply, but a sweet nudge rose within my spirit, and I knew that He was asking me to sing.

So, I obeyed. I reached for my phone and played Hillsong worship on Pandora, my favorite Christian music. I began to sing, praising Jesus with all that was left within me. I even found myself gently dancing around my mother’s bed, offering worship in that sacred space. One song flowed into another (five songs in all) and by the end, tears streamed freely down my face.

As I closed my eyes, a vision formed in my mind which was a glimpse of Heaven. It was breathtaking. It looked like the stairway to Heaven I had once seen illustrated in my antique Bible. Angels were flying among the clouds; joyfully welcoming new souls home. The colors were so vivid and radiant they stole my breath away. As I gazed upward, it felt as though Heaven stretched on forever with its endless beauty, endless glory.

When I stopped singing, it felt as though the room itself was filled with angels. Peace and love surrounded me in a way words can hardly capture. And just as quickly as the vision came, it faded. I opened my eyes, and my mom was still there, still breathing heavily.

The weight of the earthly moment returned, and exhaustion washed over me once more. Then I felt it again, that gentle, loving whisper of my Heavenly Father pressing on my heart. This time, I knew He was telling me it was time to go home and rest.

And in that quiet obedience, I trusted Him with my mother, with the moment, and with my weary soul.

I picked up my purse and I kissed my mom on the forehead. I told her that this was farewell not goodbye and went home. I was home for about an hour and a half and received a call from hospice gently letting me know that my mom had passed. Imagine that! I waited for over three weeks to be there when she passed, and I missed it by about an hour! In a way, I was grateful. I am not sure if I was strong enough to see her soul leave her body. I knew that my Heavenly Father pressed on my heart to go home, and I obeyed Him. My mom may have not wanted me to see her pass, but then again, maybe I was there? Maybe the minute that I turned the door handle to finally go home she passed? Maybe just maybe because I was her caregiver for so long that we had such an immense soul tie that maybe just maybe she grabbed me by the hand and let me walk her to the stairway to heaven? Maybe this would explain why I was able to see the vision of Heaven that changed me forever? I remember seeing Heaven and saying “Jesus! I want to go, too!” His reply? “It is not your time.”

Let’s pray:

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for bearing our sins on the cross and providing a way for us to spend eternity in heaven with You. Thank You for giving us a chance to lay up for ourselves treasures in heaven where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. You chose us Lord Jesus to serve, and we have received gifts from You of servanthood to serve one another. We were given the opportunity to be there for our loved one. In serving our loved ones, we worked heartily for You, Lord, and not for men. I pray that as we lay our hearts at Your feet that You comfort us with our loss here on earth of our loved one. I pray that we have cherished memories of our loved one that will last a lifetime. I pray that when we look back on serving through the Alzheimer's journey that we count it all good. To be chosen, a royal priesthood, we are God's special possession, that we may declare the praises of Him who called us out of the darkness into His wonderful light. We praise You Lord Jesus that You went before us, and you have prepared a place for us. We look forward to the day that You come back for us so that where You are, we may be also.

Amen.

Photo Above:

Taken from The Parallel Bible 1886:

"And He dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven, and behold the Angels of God ascending and descending on it." Genesis XXVIII