AlzLove: Feeling a deep sense of loss and grief? Trust in God as you say goodbye to your loved one

John 14:1-4

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

I have been hesitant to post a devotional about saying goodbye to your loved one because saying goodbye is never easy.  

My goal of AlzLove has always been to present uplifting devotionals for you as the reader to have a chance to see the silver lining in the storm of Alzheimer’s. The subject of saying goodbye to our loved one is often one of the hardest farewells we will experience in life. I hope as you read this that you will feel, see, and hear your Lord Jesus in a new way and that it gives you great peace.

Will this message be uplifting and bring you joy…?  Possibly not, but may it give you solace and show you the love of Jesus during this difficult time.

As you say goodbye to your loved one, you will probably be filled up with every emotion imaginable. Your emotions may range from a sense of relief to deep sadness, even grief, and possibly a bit of guilt. You may even feel a bit of gratitude knowing that they will no longer be suffering. You may feel a peace that surpasses all understanding knowing that your loved one will soon be in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ. No matter what you are feeling, including feeling no emotion at all, is all normal. 

Please understand that you have been an amazing caregiver for your loved one! You have been there every step of the way providing love, care, and service as your loved one completed their destiny here on earth. You have now turned the reins of the care of your loved one over to the ultimate healer, your Heavenly Father. 

Our Lord Jesus is a good, good Father and He will take it from here and give your loved one ultimate healing for eternity. You have finished well, and I truly believe that you will receive the Crown of Righteousness for fulfilling your important calling of caring for your loved one.

After caring for my mom for over a decade, my mom suffered a stroke and lost the ability to swallow. The hospital advised us that this was the beginning of the end. In her final days we ended up moving her back to the comfort of her own bed and hospice was brought in to help us through the final stages of her life.

From the time of her stroke to the time of her passing, what I thought would take a few days for her to pass ended up being about 3 weeks. Even when she lost consciousness, I found myself speaking to her and sharing my thoughts that were in my heart. I felt lucky to be able to tell her goodbye in my own way. I told her that she had been the best mom that I could have ever had. I let her know that it was OK for her to go to her Heavenly Father, and that I would be OK without her. I emptied all of my tears and pent-up emotion at her bedside and left it at the cross for my Lord Jesus to collect. I was grateful to know that Jesus was right there with me and taking up my pain and suffering as only He can do.

A few days before she passed, I started noticing the “tell-tale” signs that Hospice shared would appear during her last days such as her skin changing color and labored breathing. I knew it probably would not be too much longer before her journey on earth was over.

One evening I went home to get some rest, but I couldn’t sleep. I woke my husband, and I told him that I wanted to go and be with mom as I thought that she would pass that evening. Seeing my distress, he drove me across town around 11:00 PM and when we walked into her room, she was still breathing heavily. There was absolutely no change in my mom's symptoms since the afternoon, and she remained that way for the rest of the night. In the morning, I went home and took a shower and went back to her facility. I sat by her bedside and around 6:00 PM I was ready to go home. At this point I had been up for over 36 hours, and utterly exhausted. I decided to go home and get a good night’s sleep. I picked up my purse and headed towards the door to leave and that is when I heard the beautiful still small voice of my Heavenly Father in my heart! He whispered in my soul “Put your bag down.” Obediently, I placed my purse back down on the chair, and feeling the presence of my Heavenly Father I asked out loud, “What do you want me to do?”  He whispered that sweet nudge in my spirit and I knew that He was asking me to sing. I thought, "OK. I guess I should sing". I reached for my phone and played Hillsong worship on Pandora. It was my favorite Christian band. I started singing and praising Jesus and somewhat danced in my mother’s room around her bed. I ended up singing about 5 songs in a row and by the end of the 5th song tears were streaming down my face. I closed my eyes, and I felt a vision come into my mind of Heaven! It was beautiful! It looked like a picture that I had seen in my antique bible of the stairway to Heaven. In my vision, there were Angels flying around the clouds welcoming the new souls to heaven. The vision was bursting with color that took my breath away. As I looked up at the stairway to Heaven, it was like seeing forever into Heaven as there was no end of the beauty. As I stopped singing it felt like my mom's room was filled with Angels. The peace and love that surrounded me was immense. And just like the vision came to my head in a matter of seconds, after I stopped singing, it was gone. I opened my eyes, and my mom was still breathing heavily. As I felt the weight of being mentally back on earth exhaustion overcame me. I felt that sweet whisper again of my Heavenly Father pressing on my heart that it was time to go home and get a good night’s sleep.

I picked up my purse and I kissed my mom on the forehead. I told her that this was farewell not goodbye and went home. I was home for about an hour and a half and received a call from hospice gently letting me know that my mom had passed. Imagine that! I waited for over three weeks to be there when she passed, and I missed it by about an hour! In a way, I was grateful. I am not sure if I was strong enough to see her soul leave her body. I knew that my Heavenly Father pressed on my heart to go home, and I obeyed Him. My mom may have not wanted me to see her pass, but then again, maybe I was there? Maybe the minute that I turned the door handle to finally go home she passed? Maybe just maybe because I was her caregiver for so long that we had such an immense soul tie that maybe just maybe she grabbed me by the hand and let me walk her to the stairway to heaven? Maybe this would explain why I was able to see the vision of Heaven that changed me forever? I remember seeing Heaven and saying “Jesus! I want to go, too!” His reply? “It is not your time.”

Let’s pray:

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for bearing our sins on the cross and providing a way for us to spend eternity in heaven with You. Thank You for giving us a chance to lay up for ourselves treasures in heaven where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. You chose us Lord Jesus to serve, and we have received gifts from You of servanthood to serve one another. We were given the opportunity to be there for our loved one. In serving our loved ones, we worked heartily for You, Lord, and not for men. I pray that as we lay our hearts at Your feet that You comfort us with our loss here on earth of our loved one. I pray that we have cherished memories of our loved one that will last a lifetime. I pray that when we look back on serving through the Alzheimer's journey that we count it all good. To be chosen, a royal priesthood, we are God's special possession, that we may declare the praises of Him who called us out of the darkness into His wonderful light. We praise You Lord Jesus that You went before us, and you have prepared a place for us. We look forward to the day that You come back for us so that where You are, we may be also.

Amen.

Photo Above:

Taken from The Parallel Bible 1886:

"And He dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven, and behold the Angels of God ascending and descending on it." Genesis XXVIII