AlzLove: Feeling mistreated? The Lord has chosen you to help your loved one and He sees your heart.

Colossians 3:23-24, the Apostle Paul instructs believers: "Whatever you do, work at it with your whole being, for the Lord and not for men."

To be anointed as the caregiver of a loved one with Alzheimer’s is a walk like no other. No two journeys are the same, and there is no perfect guidebook to follow. This disease touches each brain differently, unfolding in ways we cannot predict or control.

If you are a caregiver today, you know there are moments that bring you to your knees. There will be days filled with exhaustion, grief, and quiet tears. This calling may be the hardest walk of your life, yet it is one seen fully by God.

My prayer for you today is that you would see yourself through your Heavenly Father’s eyes and know that you are a blessing to the one you care for. You are not invisible. You are not forgotten. God sees every act of love, every sacrifice, and every tear. He loves you deeply and will not leave you or forsake you.

The words of Colossians 3:23–24, written by the Apostle Paul, offer us a sacred perspective. In each loving task, no matter how small or unseen, we are invited to serve with our whole hearts, as unto the Lord. When strength feels depleted, the Lord will guide your steps and meet you in ways only He can.

He knows this journey is difficult. He knows the moments when you feel mistreated, unloved, or unwanted. And still, He remains near, faithful to walk with you every step of the way.

Some of you may have heard the term “sundowning.” I encountered this reality with my mom early on after her initial diagnosis. For those unfamiliar with this condition, sundowning occurs when a person with Alzheimer’s experiences a noticeable shift in mood as the sun begins to set. Confusion deepens, emotions intensify, and memory loss becomes more pronounced. During these moments, loved ones may become the unintended recipients of hurtful words or unexpected outbursts.

My once sweet, gentle mother, who had never spoken an unkind word in her life, became someone I barely recognized when sundowning took hold. And at times, this darkness even lingered into the morning hours. Watching my once fun-loving mother slowly transform into someone filled with anger and agitation was incredibly painful. My mom was my best friend, my confidant, and my steady rock. Seeing her slowly fade under the weight of Alzheimer’s felt like a long, quiet heartbreak unfolding before my eyes. It was hard on both of us.

There comes a moment in caregiving when the weight feels almost too heavy to carry. What do you do when loving your parent hurts so deeply that, even when they are in assisted living, your heart hesitates to walk through the door? What do you do when you are giving all you have, yet feel wounded, rejected, or emotionally bruised in return? In the quiet places of your heart, you may even wrestle with difficult thoughts such as wondering if they would notice the passing of time between visits, or if stepping back might bring you a moment of relief.

These are the unspoken battles of caregiving, and these are also the ones God sees, even when no one else does. And in those moments of doubt and weariness, His grace remains near, gently reminding us that we are not alone in this sacred, painful calling.

In my deepest pain, I fell to my knees and cried out to my Lord Jesus. I begged Him to take this cup from me or give me a way forward so that I would no longer be my mom’s emotional punching bag each time I saw her.

I called. He answered.

That afternoon, while reading my daily Scripture, my eyes rested on these words from Colossians: “Whatever you do, work at it with your whole being, for the Lord and not for men, because you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as your reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

So, I began praying before each visit with my mom. I truly wanted to do my best for my Lord Jesus, and for my mom and I needed his grace and love before I left the house.

When I prayed before each visit, I noticed a quiet, holy shift. The Lord seemed to “hold” my heart when her words became harsh and painful. Through His eyes, I could finally see the truth that it was not my mother speaking to me, but it was her speaking to the disease waging war within her. That fact alone helped me see my mom with fresh and caring eyes. Her painful words seemed to lose power when I realized what she was truly screaming at the disease and not at me.

And my Heavenly Father did not stop there. In His tenderness, He placed faithful people alongside me, and they included prayer warriors, encouragers, helpers, and friends who walked with me through this difficult season. Their presence became a reflection of His love, and together, this journey, although painful, began to transform my heart and my life.

In most assisted living facilities, there is an Activities Director responsible for creating moments of joy through crafts, celebrations, and special outings. At my mom’s facility, that person was an extraordinary caregiver named Ellen. She had a rare gift. Every Saturday, she planned the most thoughtful and joy-filled events, and they were little pockets of light that broke through what could otherwise be long, boring or quiet days.

When my mom first moved into the assisted living facility, I tried to create happy moments with my mom all on my own. I worked tirelessly, hoping to spark joy or connection, but nothing seemed to work. I was exhausted, discouraged, and painfully aware of how little I understood Alzheimer’s or how to reach her in this new reality. I felt like I was failing.

Then Jesus gently pressed something onto my heart: if I wanted to stay within a “safe zone” around my mom’s sundowning, I needed to take advantage of Ellen’s events.

During those gatherings, I was surrounded by others, and something remarkable happened. My mom’s spirit softened. She rarely lashed out at me in front of other people. Even more, Ellen’s events consistently brought joy and peace to the entire facility.

Ellen celebrated everything! She celebrated holidays, birthdays, football games, and even ordinary Saturdays with nothing special on the calendar. The residents loved her energy, her enthusiasm, and the genuine love she poured into every detail. What might have been a dull Saturday became a place of laughter, music, and belonging.

As I watched Ellen, I realized how much intention and heart she invested in each resident and into each event. I also realized that I could help. Volunteering alongside her gave me a way to serve, not just my mom, but the other residents as well. In serving, I found purpose again. Other families began showing up on weekends, drawn by the joy that filled the room, and I slowly stopped feeling so alone.

What once felt like an emotional battlefield on Saturdays became a sacred space of shared joy and unexpected memories with my mom and other residents as well. Through Ellen’s creativity and through prayer, God taught me how to experience an environment of peace, safety, and love.

I understand that your caregiving journey may look different from mine. You may be caring for your loved one in your own home, and the solution that helped me during one season may not fit where you are right now. Every stage of this journey requires its own measure of grave. Still, the truest answers are found through prayer. Quieting your heart and listening for His still, small voice does wonders. In the early days, my mom lived in our home, and it was a season where I leaned heavily on my Heavenly Father just to make it through each day. I also want to share this with love that there came a time when the professionals at Emory gently told me that it was necessary to let others help care for my mom. Alzheimer's is a disease that often requires additional support as it progresses, whether through nursing care, assisted living, or other formed of elderly care. When that time come, be open to receiving help. Trust that allowing others to step in does not mean you love you loved one any less. Sometimes, it is simply another way God provides the care we cannot give alone.

One of my most cherished photos from my caregiving journey was taken by Ellen at a planned "Hawaiian Luau" party. It captures my mom, my daughter, and me and as you can see, we are smiling, present, and joyful. Those events were so uplifting that it became difficult for anyone, even those struggling with sundowning, to remain angry or withdrawn. Through it all, I learned the power of serving and the beauty of creating an atmosphere rooted in love.

Let Us Pray:

Thank You Father for providing guidance through your word from the Apostle Paul in Colossians 3:23-24. When we work for you and not for man, you allow us to serve you here on earth. It is a glorious calling to walk by your side and to serve you. In Matthew 6:19-21 You said to store us our treasures in heaven, not on earth where moths and vermin destroy... For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. No matter what we face in this life, you never leave our side. Father, I pray that for those of us that have been called to serve, that you give them new eyes to see that they are chosen and anointed and that you love them beyond measure. Protect their hearts, Lord Jesus. Give them heartfelt memories of this time with their loved one that they will cherish and carry in the hearts forever.

Amen.

Here are a few events that we did with Ellen:

Miniature golf with a putter and ball return

Fashion show

Painting

Crafts

Bowling with plastic ball and pins

Balloon toss

Hat day

Fishing from a baby pool with rubber duckies

Beauty day with nail polishing

Valentine’s Day party.