AlzLove: Feeling underqualified? Take heart! May He equip you for doing His will.

Hebrews 13:21

"May He equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ."

Have you ever tried to run a marathon without preparation? Yeah, no, me either. In fact, I have never run a marathon. I love to jog, but I am very aware of when I take a week or more off, that there is a ramp up time, and that I have to get my body built up to run a 10k or more. Just as my body needs to prepare for intense physical activity, I’ve come to realize that caring for my mom through her journey with Alzheimer's also required of me mental resilience and self-care. I couldn’t give my mother a big dose of love every week when I did not take time to love myself during the week. 

The issue of being a caregiver is that it seems like an impossible task! As a caregiver juggling both their life and your own, when do you have time to care for yourself, let alone be available to your employer 9-5, and to your own family 24X7? The responsibility for keeping food on the table, driving back and forth to work, driving to their facility on the weekends to take them shopping, and out to lunch to spend time with them can run you ragged. In addition, being on call for the assisted living staff in case anything happened, all the while caring for the needs of your family as well, is daunting. The list is long and heavy, and life can wear you down.

When I showed up to see my mom, she was met with the remnants of whatever was left of me by the end of the week. Her daily list of needs could also include several visits to the ER which always seemed to happen in the middle of the night! Spending all night at the hospital with my mom while they did test after test after test, I still had a boss to answer to at 9 AM for work the next day.

When you are a caregiver, assisted living or not, it is a big job that is handed to you on top of any other jobs you are currently responsible for, whether unpaid or not. As a caregiver, the role of responsibility is intense and the one thing in common that was very evident to me was that the caregivers that I would see at my mom’s facility were always mentally and physically exhausted.

The caregiver role can be exhausting on so many levels, affecting both the body and the mind. It’s not just the physical tasks that wear you down—though they are challenging enough—but also the emotional strain. On top of the practical concerns, you also find yourself navigating the unpredictable emotional landscape of caregiving. It’s a job that seems to never end, one that shifts constantly requiring you to be flexible, patient, and resilient, even on days when you feel anything but. The isolation can be tough, too, as friends and family may not fully understand the gravity of the role you fill. You can often feel as though you're carrying the weight alone. The list goes on, but the stress can continue to build.

So how do you create balance when you are running at full speed but there is not much energy left at the end of the day?

I hit the same roadblocks of exhaustion, along with high levels of frustration as my life was pushing me to my breaking point. But I was determined to figure out a way to love and care for my mom in the best way that I could and make my mental and physical health a priority so that I could be strong for both of us.

I made exercise a priority. The funny thing is, this happened kind of on its own because I ended up having to take a job across town. It was about an hour and a half commute in rush hour, but the office was directly located right next to a full-service gym. I accepted the job, reluctantly signed up for the gym because I had no other choice in order to beat the rush hour. I started getting up around 4:45 AM so that I could get to the other side of town in 45 minutes. So, the new routine began! My plan was to arrive at the gym at 6:00 AM, work out for an hour, shower, and dress at the gym, and walk to the office next door at 8:30 AM completely refreshed and energized for the day. However, it was not easy for me to do this! The gym was very foreign to me. It was something that I had no interest in, but it was the gym or battle traffic. At first, I struggled to learn how to use the equipment. Early on, I would do sit-ups in the corner, literally hiding from people. I was overweight at the time, and terribly self-conscious about what a fool I must have looked like to the other members. But after a while, I started to enjoy my routine. My energy level increased, and the end results were incredible. In about 6 months I was running 5Ks on the indoor gym track, and in about a year I dropped 5 sizes simply by watching what I ate and exercising. My physical health was at the best it had ever been in my entire life. I felt amazing and my energy level made me feel like I was 20 years old again. My face glowed, and that summer I bought a bikini. Please keep in mind I was in my mid 50's at the time! Ok, I bought several bikinis because I looked and felt great. Thank you, Jesus! My marriage and family life improved because I now had energy and time for them as well! Jesus took my situation of needing a job and turned my health around in record time equipping me for the task at hand.

Exercising definitely changed my life, but what gave me the most peace was when I joined a bible study! My walk with Jesus started growing as I grew closer to my Heavenly Father through the study. I learned to take my burdens to the cross and started asking Him to carry what I could not. I asked Him to equip me for the tasks that He had given me, and for me to receive energy from doing the Godly tasks instead of allowing the earthly tasks to deplete my mental health and energy from me.

It seemed the healthier I was, both mentally and physically, the more I was able to be there for my mom and on an entirely different level. The same tasks that were once a tremendous burden seemed simple, where before they were absolutely daunting. Being mentally and physically strong, I was ready to care for my mom, just like being prepared to run a 10K. Jesus showed up in mighty ways holding me up and teaching me how to be the best that I could be for His glory. The bible study taught me how to delegate and share responsibility as I always had a tendency to try and do everything myself. It is a memory that I will never forget, and did I mention my husband? Through the entire walk with my mom, that man stood in the gap for me. I know that if you are reading this that you may or may not have a husband or family that are able to help you, and that this walk may fall on your shoulders 100%, but it is OK to ask for help. Ask God and He will send you help.

Let us pray:

Father, to be called and chosen to do your mighty works is quite a calling. As it is written in 2 Timothy 3:17, as a servant of God we may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. You showed up as the best teacher, and gym coach I have ever known. The job that I took which led me to start exercising did not last long, but my love for exercising never left. The bible study eventually ended, but my passion for Your Word has continued to grow beyond my imagination. 

I yearn to get Your Word out to as many people who will read it. I pray that my walk will help others along their journey of caring for their loved ones. I pray that they will not give up but persevere and let You equip them to be the hands and feet of You, Lord Jesus. Thank you that You hear our prayers of need and that You truly love us and equip us to do Your will. We rejoice that You have chosen us Lord Jesus, to do the mighty works of Your Kingdom here on earth. We praise You that by being chosen to serve our elders that You also give us Your love in return so that we can love our loved ones in a Godly way. Thank You for giving us the opportunity to create cherished memories of our loved ones that as a caregiver are anointed and God breathed and will last a lifetime.

Amen.

Written by Caroline Hotmer, Founder of AlzLove