AlzLove: Feeling blindsided? Allow Your Heavenly Father to love and mold you into the person He created you to be.

Ephesians 3:14-19

When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God

Every time I read Matthew ESV 16:24 which is: “Take up your cross and follow me.” I envision myself walking beside Jesus as he carries His cross to his imminent foretold death. I picture myself carrying my cross, too, as per the Bible instructs me to do so.

"I am willing and able. Pick me, Jesus!”  My soul cried out.

I never understood the true meaning of what I was praying for until one day when my whole life changed about 12 years ago.

I sat across from my mother and her neurologist as she was diagnosed with MCI.

“What is MCI?” I rudely interrupted.

“Mild Cognitive Impairment” was the reply.

The only word that I heard the doctor say was “mild”.

“MILD?!?!” 

I heard my voice croak out this gut curdling high pitched reply. 

His words felt like an invisible punch to my stomach. I was certain it was Alzheimer's even though I knew nothing about the disease at the time other than my grandmother died from the complications of it.

At the same time my Heavenly Father pressed deeply into my heart “You have been chosen.”

He pressed deeper into my soul. “I am with you.”

Still, nausea came over me as the doctor explained MCI. I could barely hear him through the noise of my frustration and tears. There was nothing “mild” about a call from the Sheriff telling me that my mother was no longer able to live alone. There was nothing “mild” about moving her into my home as her harsh words stripped me like a flogging as we moved her. Then, being forced to sell not only her house but also her car, as she was deemed no longer able to drive, there was nothing “mild” about this situation. I stumbled into this difficult circumstance with a million questions about what I was facing, and I had very little answers. I was totally unprepared for this new life that was unfolding before me at lightning speed.

Our appointment ended and the doctor walked us to the elevator. That appointment changed our lives forever. Tears were still falling down my cheeks and as I turned to push the 1st floor button on the elevator. My mother looked at me and said “Honey, why are you so upset?” I froze and stared at her in disbelief as tears continued to steadily roll down my cheeks while the elevator slowly moved down.

She had no memory of the meeting, the diagnosis, or even the reason we were at the neurologist in the first place. 

“I’ll be OK, mom,” I replied. As I continued to digest the fact that nothing discussed at the meeting registered in her brain.

Maybe it was for the best. She was just diagnosed with early-stage Dementia.

It wasn’t the diagnosis I was expecting, but it was a diagnosis, and it was the first of many. We finally settled on frontal lobe Dementia or Alzheimer's, but technically speaking, it would not be confirmed until after her death. A few years later as the disease progressed it was like a runaway freight train. There was no stopping it. 

Fast forward to 12 years later. The phone call unexpectedly came from my mom’s Assisted Living facility informing me that my mother had possibly suffered a stroke. This call was different. I could hear it in their voice that it was not good news. Weeks later, I was writing her eulogy. Would I do it all over again?

The answer is… Yes!

As my mom’s caregiver, I was able to get to know her in ways that I would have never had the chance to had life stayed “normal”. We previously lived four hours apart and the diagnosis prompted me to move her in with me for starters. 

It was a tough situation with two very strong, independent women under one roof but as I look back on the time that we spent together there were so many moments of giggles and heartfelt moments that I can’t even describe.

Those were what I called “mommy and me moments” that were God breathed, unplanned, planned, heartfelt, spontaneous, loving, and spiritually binding the entire time I cared for her.

Just like the season came upon me out of nowhere, the season ended without much notice.  But in the end, I was glad that Jesus chose me to be there for my mom, from her initial diagnosis to her heartfelt funeral.

If you are reading this, then maybe you have a similar story.

My prayer for you is that maybe through reading my stories, shared scriptures, and having another place that you may find peace. I pray that you also find a deep Godly love as you take up your cross and walk with Jesus during this time. You are not alone. It is not by chance that you are reading this now. Jesus wants to show you how beautiful you truly are by you stepping into your calling and helping your loved one. 

Jesus answers our prayers, and maybe you did or did not pray to be the hands and feet of Jesus. But you have been chosen. To be chosen as a caregiver for anyone, whether it is Alzheimer’s or another unforeseen diagnosis, is quite a calling. Very few people are chosen.

I know the walk will not be easy. It wasn’t easy for Jesus dying on the cross for your sins but now we get to spend eternity with Him. I want to share with you that to be chosen is to be royalty. You were made for such a time as this.

As it is written. “In this life there will be trouble, but take heart, He has overcome the world.”

Was the journey hard for me? Absolutely! But Jesus showed me that the greatest gift that you can give someone is to be there when they need you the most.

I hope my Bible based scriptures, stories, prayers, and website will help you see the beauty in your calling and draw you closer to your Lord Jesus as you come alongside your loved one.

I pray that God gives you the most heartfelt amazing memories with your loved one through this difficult time. May He give you eyes to see and ears to hear His glorious calling on your life.

You are not alone, and I pray that you will find a love in your heart that very few people will ever be able to experience. For it is written in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord… to give you a hope and a future.”

Let us pray:

"Lord Jesus, 

Thank for who You are! Thank You for taking our circumstances and using them to mold us into being more Christ-like as You let us be the hands and feet of Jesus. Anointing us to serve You is the highest calling of royalty. Let us see Your glory unfold before us as You direct our path in this difficult calling. Let us look up to You for guidance each and every day and feel your mighty presence. Show us how to rest in You and give us peace with the countless decisions that are before us. Let us learn to lift up our arms in praise as we dance in worship before You and get lost in your presence. Let us take our burden to the cross each and every morning allowing You to show us what we are to carry and what we need to lay at the cross for You to carry for us.

Let us fill ourselves up with the fruits of the spirit every morning in prayer before our feet touch the floor and arm us with the armor of God so that we are ready for the day ahead. Lastly, I pray

Ephesians 3:14-19 over us all as so that we know how wide, how long, how high, and how deep Your love is for us.

Amen.

Written by, Caroline Hotmer, Founder of AlzLove